knowsvinewhip | + IC CONTACT +

[Fuck. Is he going to have to learn to knit now?]

You know I'd be absolute shit at it, right?

[Uh oh. This is going somewhere. It was going somewhere but he didn't know where and knew Hakkai well enough to know he was just kinda fucked about it.

So he frowns.]

We were buddies for like, years before man. I know a lot of the real basic stuff. Just not the-- you know.

[He wiggles his hand in the air.]

Relationship stuff. I mean I can guess some of it. But not that one.

All the more reason to use the manual I found. It's in the "For Dummies" section.

[That smile is probably visible even in the dark. Like some kind of creepy glowing monster expression.]

[And it fades as he turns his head away, slightly.]

That one. Does it matter?

[If anyone asked him about it, Gojyo could never put words to how he read into situations. How he knew he was an inch from danger, the exact right time to pull back, or how to diffuse a situation in a pinch. It was like he could taste metal in the air sometimes, blood pulsing at the surface of an angry drunk. Sometimes it was more like a whiff of something coming on a breeze, a storm brewing in the distance.

This moment had weight to it. What Gojyo said was going to matter here.

He shifted, sitting up in bed and pulling up his knees. Draping an arm disarmingly across them and using the moment to piece together what he wanted to say.]

Don't matter like it'll change anything. I'm curious 'cause I like knowing stuff about you.

You don't wanna know if I have? Or do you think you already know?

[He snorts - very, very dignified.]

I prefer not to dwell on your past partners. [Or mine.]

[But that doesn't need to be said, not to Gojyo. Who likely can read it loud and clear without Hakkai uttering a single word. The room is dark and blurry and he doesn't want to have this conversation.]

[Why?]

[Because it's embarrassing to admit! No deep, dark secrets, not this time. It's pure embarrassment.]

Why do you want to know this, specifically?

[Gojyo considers him for a moment, there in the dark. That was the thing about doing most of your deep thinking out loud -- he never really knew where he wanted to go with it until he got there. It was like a string he had to pull because he needed to unravel the whole pile to see what was under it.

This was something he wanted to share with Hakkai. Something, based on his reply, he thought he knew and didn't.

But he fucked it up and made it weird. He could all but smell Hakkai's anxiety, see his hands fidgeting or his teeth worrying at his lip despite the darkness of the room.

So he exhaled, all nonchalance as he slid back under the covers, tucking his hands behind his head.]

Like I said, didn't know and figured I'd ask. But if it bugs you, no big. Go back to sleep, yeah?

[And that was that. He rolled over and closed his eyes.]

... Now you're bothered.

[Ugh. This is absurd. He shouldn't be embarrassed of all things. It's Gojyo. Who's seen him at his absolute worst. The very rock bottom. So why is he embarrassed?]

[Because there's more experience? That's never been an issue before. Not in anything. It's not that he minds. If he did, he wouldn't be here. He knew that going in. Even if he very much does not like to dwell on the number of partners Gojyo's had. For many reasons.]

[He grimaces, into the dark, and presses a hand to his face. He can feel his face heating.]

I... [His answer is muttered into his hands. Never have. There, it's out and he'd like to sink into the floor.]

[He's half turned, ready to protest. It ain't a big deal, or You're right, it don't matter on his lips because, frankly, it wasn't. What they had scared the shit out of him half the time, but it was steady. Freaking Hakkai out about this wasn't worth the stress.

But before he had a chance, Hakkai-- did he actually say it? Gojyo blinked, thick red hair falling behind his shoulder like a curtain drawing open.]

Oh. So just-- the two?

[Him and Kanan. Reading between the lines, anyway.]

Mmrph.

[His face is still planted in his hands. His ears feel like they're on fire. It's a very, very good thing the lights are out - he'd be the same color as Gojyo's hair. No, he's not freaked out. He's not even having an anxiety and/or introspection spiral.]

[The words are... muffled. They don't even really sound like words.]

[But it's embarrassment. Pure and simple.]

[ He's so fucking cute.

He wraps a long arm around Hakkai's shoulders, pulling him in against his chest. He was still hiding behind his hands, but even with the buffer Gojyo could feel how warm his face was.]

What's wrong with that? You think I got a quota or something? "This many fucks to ride?"

You're so crass.

[Like he expected any other way of phrasing it. He knows Gojyo all right. It shouldn't surprise him this is the reaction. But all the same! It's the principle!]

[Despite the embarrassment, he doesn't fight the arm. Doesn't fight the closeness. Nor does he remove his hands.]

Are you happy now?

[Gojyo just chuckles, kissing the top of Hakkai's head as he hides against his chest.]

I said you didn't have to say anything if you didn't wanna.

[But alright, he'll say what he wanted to earlier. It might even help ease his partners baffling embarassment.]

Hey, if it helps, you're the only guy I ever slept with on purpose.

You thought you'd upset me. I couldn't let that sit.

[See, that's the real problem. Letting Gojyo think he was upset when he wasn't. Especially when he wasn't actively trying to cultivate the feeling.]

[A beat.]

... On purpose?

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