knowsvinewhip | + IC CONTACT +

[Gojyo takes it for the invitation it is only by virtue of the fact that Hakkai's too out of it to turn it into anything else.

He props himself up on one elbow.]

I was thinkin' about what you said back on the bridge, yeah? Your type. You said you wanted like a million kids. And I know I'm a halfie and all, but I'm pretty sure I can't have kids. I fucking hope I can't have kids. Like that, I mean.

[And then he frowns.]

Could be I can't have kids anyways. Dunno if halfs can have kids cause of how we are.

[Are there hanyou medical books? Doctors? Maybe, but definitely not here.]

Are you...?

[He squints too. Trying to see if he can make out any sign of teasing on Gojyo's face. He doesn't have his glasses on, so sue him.]

Are - you can't be serious.

[Nope, he's not even going to try and entertain this line of thought. This is so - honestly he'd take a nightmare.]

[How are you not taking this seriously Hakkai? Gojyo is concerned .]

Gimme some credit, man. I know I can't shit out kids. Don't even know if I can have them with chicks.

[He sobers, licking his lips.]

But you wanted kids.

[Oh, oh okay. Okay, this is... what this is actually about, then. Not some kind of confusion about biology. Can you blame him for the confusion? He wasn't really awake.]

[He's quiet for a few moments longer, putting together an answer that isn't, Gojyo you don't have the body parts necessary, go to sleep.]

I also said... I was looking for a wife if you recall. And yet, now you know what I really meant by that statement.

[I meant you, you idiot.]

Would the rest of what I said have been as literal?

[He sits with that for a few seconds, mulling it over. When he speaks its slower, more deliberate. He always thinks better when he says it out loud.]

Yeah, I get some of it.

[There was no way in hell Hakkai was gonna be married with kids and Gojyo would still be single for starters.]

But why say you want kids if you don't? That ain't usually the kind of thing guys joke about.

[All right, if they're really talking, then he'll sit all the way up. Leaning forward, elbows on his knees.]

What I really wanted... was a life.

[Hold on, let him explain. He'll get there.] Maybe it was too esoteric for the time, but - a "wife and children" are symbolic. Of a normal life. With someone who wouldn't be taken away.

[Then, a bit more ruefully:] Besides. Adoption is always a possibility, should you really decide to pass on your particular brand of knowledge to impressionable minds.

[ Gojyo sits up too. The blanket slides down his bare torso and the cool air hits him. He's so focused he barely notices.

Though he has to snort at Hakkai's last comment. ]

Yeah, me raise a kid. There's a great idea.

[ He knows he's not exactly the world's best role model. He'd do better than his parents, but that's a pretty goddamn low bar. ]

I just don't want you to want something and then realize you're with someone who can't do it, you know? It's like...

[ He waves his hands in the air for a minute. ]

I get it, kinda. You were wanting something stable and that seemed it then, yeah? But now I'm here, and what if I'm not that?

You do fine with Goku.

[Who is clearly a child who needs raising. Then again, that's... not totally wrong. Besides, the bar is literally underground.]

[He just raises an eyebrow.]

Yes. You're here. Against all odds, you have somehow managed to not only follow me to one strange new world, but two. In addition, you are the one who continues to assert I cannot possibly hurt you, and remain correct.

I fail to see what could be more stable than that.

So if you want our kid to shit splinters I'll do great.

[ And Hakkai's not wrong, so Gojyo sits with that for a second. He is absolutely confident that Hakkai won't hurt him. He trusts him completely, and he knows Hakkai feels the same way. So what is it? What's got him keeping Hakkai up at night worrying over fictional kids? ]

Kinda feels like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop, I guess. Bad shit happens in our lives pretty goddamn reliably.

[ He looks over at Hakkai, well aware the man's seeing him as not much more than dark, blurred shapes. ]

Ain't had something be good this long without fucking it up somehow.

Please never mention that incident in my presence again...

[The dramatic hand to his face. Like he's trying to block out the memory.]

[But more importantly - ]

I can understand. I'm surprised nothing has stormed into the city, threatening to drown it in blood, or rip out our darkest memories to torment us with, yet. [He's making a bit light of it, but he's sure Gojyo knows he's not trying to mock him. Because he does get it. He really does.]

You don't consider our time before the journey to be something good? [There's a slight smile, apologetic, sympathetic, all in one.] Don't misunderstand, I know what you're getting at... but I do consider our lives under one roof as very good indeed.

Or made everyone around us lose their goddamn minds and attack us with crazy powers. Or kidnap people and threaten to torture 'em. And so on.

[He waves his hand, shifting a little so his head was resting against Hakkai's shoulder.]

It was good. First time in my life things had been ... [He wrinkles his nose.] Safe? I dunno, that's not it either. You know what I mean. Like, I didn't even know life could be like that. Before Banri I never really stuck with anyone but me.

But even then shit went weird, right? On the road for years trying to fix the world or whatever the fuck is blowing up this week.

How can we forget the madness and torture?

[He would like to! Forget some of it, anyway. A lot of it, actually.]

And I won't soon forgive him for leaving you as he did. But, you know that as well. [They've probably had that conversation before. A few times before.]

I guess sometimes, we even had a routine on the road. Everyone in their usual seats, the usual conversations... complaints... I suppose I didn't mind that part of it.

[The Banri was both an old argument and one he knew he'd never win. Hell, he wasn't even sure he wanted to. It's just the guilt that gnawed at him when he thought about it is all. He'd been a piece of shit, but he'd been the closest thing to a friend he'd had until he met Hakkai.]

Usual room assignments when we'd stay at an inn. Money'd say something dumb, Cherry'd shoot at him. Y'know, just a real normal set of guys doing normal shit.

[He snorted.]

Maybe that's it. Maybe this feels too normal.

If not an inn then, camping in Jeep, haha. Going over the map every time we'd stop. Though, I admit, I don't miss your antagonizing Sanzo...

[Because then he'd have to talk their way out of the inn without paying exorbitant fees. Sure, they could cover it, but Sanzo wouldn't do it.]

Do you dislike it?

[It comes out a little heavier than he intended it to. A little more apprehensive. Is Gojyo somehow unhappy with this whole arrangement?]

[Gojyo grins.]

Yeah, it was fun though.

[He slides down, shifting a bit so his head was in Hakkai's lap. Looking up at him. Hakkai'd always been cagey with his emotions, but Gojyo could read him like a book. Even moreso now that Hakkai seemed to actively try to hide less.]

I like it too much. It's what I always wanted, and ... well, 's like I said.

[He reaches up, pushing some of Hakkai's bangs away from his face. His hair's already a little sleep rumpled. It's cute.]

Don't want the other shoe to fall.

[He knows Gojyo. Hakkai knows Gojyo as well as Gojyo knows him. Still, he startles a bit, when there is suddenly a head in his lap. It's quick to fade, more surprised at the motion than where Gojyo ended up.]

[There really isn't any hiding around him anymore. Even if he tried to.]

I'm not sure if there is a second shoe, here. A sock, perhaps. But... and, ah. I don't want to jinx things.

[His expression has softened considerably since the hair toying started. His own fingers kneading careful circles into the other's scalp in return.]

It's so much simpler here than even Trench was. I don't want to hope there won't be another shoe.

Sometimes I can't help thinking it anyway.

Yeah?

[He brushes his thumb thoughtfully up Hakkai's jaw, hair fanned against his lap. The rhythmic circles of the thumb in his hair countered the jump of his pulse in his throat.

It seemed impossible. Stupid, even. To think this is just how things could be now. He searched Hakkai's eyes for a moment before speaking again.]

We just get to have this, you think?

[We.]

[His immediate reply is to almost say he doesn't know. That he doesn't deserve it. In no universe has he ever deserved to just have this. Somewhere, that shoe is going to fall. It's going to fall squarely on him, and it's going to hurt someone who did nothing to earn it.]

[He blinks a few times. Forcing his brain to come back down to earth.]

Is it foolish of me to say that I hope we do?

Probably.

[He grins, shaking his head a little.]

Be nice though. Just all this domestic shit. Picking up jobs in town. Like the house back home before Sanzo crawled up our ass.

[His eyes slide down briefly before looking back up at Hakkai. He used to think he looked strange without his glasses. Even when they lived together the only time he saw Hakkai in the morning is when he was coming home at the same time Hakkai got up. But now they had nights where he could wrap his arms around him while they slept, lazy mornings where they could talk about stupid shit.]

What about you? While we're living in our fantasy world. What do you want outta it?

It would.

[No argument there. None whatsoever. It would be nice to have everything get back to "normal". To feel like they were back in their old house. Just occasionally seeing the other two... if they ever arrived. And while he does like the simplicity of it all, sometimes he does miss the interruptions.]

[Goku bursting in to show them something new, specifically.]

[What does he want?]

[He's silent again, just staring down in thought. Letting his fingers continue to move absently through red hair. It's too dark to really remind him of anything but hair, tonight.]

At this moment...? I can't think of anything I don't have.

[A beat.]

A couple more ashtrays, perhaps.

Look at you, a romantic.

[Gojyo's eyes are wide and innocent -- something Hakkai may not be able to see between the darkness and his shitty vision, but surely he can hear it in his voice.]

I can always save a couple beer cans, put 'em around. Decorative-like.

[Silence stretches.]

[Then his weight shifts, as if he intends to get up from bed.]

I'm sorry, I think my old lease has a few more days on it. I should go back and fulfill my bargain.

[Do that and I will McFucking Move Out.]

[Gojyo barks out a deep belly laugh as he scrambles, flipping over and wrapping long arms around Hakkai's waist to anchor him to the bed.]

Walkin' out on me already? I had my money on me lasting at least another month.

[He lasts all of two seconds more of trying to get out of bed - he never really intended to do it anyway. Then falls back against the pillows.]

Don't fall back on that old habit of yours, and you will.

[He snorts, amused.]

That's all it takes? Baby, you gotta get yourself some higher standards.

[Says the man who, for a large portion of his life, basically slept with any woman who'd have him.]

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